Excuses People Have For Not Going To Church

I found the following list in "The Laconia Daily Sun" that my mom used as padding for a package she sent me. It made me laugh, maybe you'll like it too.

The No-Excuse Sunday

1. Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say, "Sunday is my only day for sleeping in."
2. Eye drops will be available for those whose eyesare tired from watching TV too late on Saturday night.
3. We will have steel helmets for those who believe the roof will cave in if they show up for church services.
4. Blankets will be furnished for those who complain that the church is too cold. Fans will be on hand for those who say it is too hot.
5. We will have hearing aids for those who say, "The pastor talks too softly." There will be cotton for those who say he is too loud.
6. Scorecards will be available for those who wish to count the hypocrites present.
7. Relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sunday.
8. TV dinners will be available for those who claim they can't go to church and cook dinner too.
9. One section of the church will have some trees and grass for those who see God in nature, especially on the golf course.
10. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the church without them.

* My biggest problems are with numbers 1, 2, 4, and 7. But mostly the first one*